Outback Steakhouse's "Turnaround" Sounds Like a Slow-Motion Implosion
So, the Bloomin' Onion is Wilting?
Okay, so Outback Steakhouse is closing more locations. Again. We're talking about a "turnaround plan," which, let's be real, is corporate-speak for "we screwed up and now we're trying to look like we have a clue."
Bloomin' Brands, the parent company, is pulling the plug on restaurants across the U.S., including a couple in Florida, where Outback started. How's that for a kick in the teeth? The first Outback opened in Tampa back in '88. Now, they're trimming the fat...or, you know, what little "fat" is left after years of serving mediocre steak.
They closed 41 locations back in February 2024, and now another 21 this month alone, with more to come. 22 more closings over the next four years, apparently. It's like watching a slow-motion implosion. I mean, who even goes to Outback anymore? Is it just nostalgia for that one time your parents took you there after a little league game?
Brighter Interiors, Smaller Kitchens—Who Are They Kidding?
The surviving restaurants are getting a makeover, CNN reports. Brighter interiors, smaller kitchens, bigger order pickup stations... Seriously? Are they trying to turn a steakhouse into a fast-food joint?
And speaking of takeout steak... I still don't understand the appeal. Steak is something you eat in a restaurant, with a side of mashed potatoes and a decent beer. Eating it out of a cardboard box just feels...wrong.
Apparently, this whole "turnaround" is going to cost $75 million. $75 million to rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic.
Meanwhile, LongHorn and Texas Roadhouse are thriving. Sales are up over 5%. People still want affordable steaks, I guess. But it's not just the price; it's the experience. Texas Roadhouse throws peanuts on the floor and has line dancing. Outback... what does Outback have? Boomerangs?
The company spokesperson, Elizabeth Daly, says these closures are "business decisions that are part of our ongoing turnaround plan." Oh, please. Give me a break. It's a business decision driven by the fact that their sales suck and nobody wants their overpriced, under-seasoned steaks. "We considered a variety of factors, including sales and traffic, trade areas, and potential investments to improve performance," she says. Translation: "We looked at the numbers and realized we're hemorrhaging money."
They offer employees the chance to work at nearby restaurants. How generous. It's not like they have a choice, right? "Hey, sorry we closed your workplace, but here's a slightly longer commute and the same soul-crushing job!"
The Writing Was on the Wall, Wasn't It?
Bloomin' Brands wouldn't provide a list of closings themselves; USA TODAY had to get the info from local media. Offcourse, they did. Transparency is clearly not their strong suit. Outback Steakhouse closing more restaurants amid parent company 'turnaround'
Birmingham, Alabama. Jacksonville Beach, Florida. Naples, Florida. Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Silver Spring, Maryland. Merrick, New York. Madison, Wisconsin. The list goes on. Each closure represents lost jobs, shuttered memories, and another nail in the coffin of a once-beloved chain.
Maybe Outback should have focused on, I dunno, serving better food instead of trying to rebrand itself every five years. Maybe they should have listened to their customers instead of some marketing guru in a boardroom. But hey, what do I know? Maybe I'm just some grumpy old guy yelling at a cloud.
